I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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