The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize