just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You may now shotgun with the bride
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
