Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
