i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
