He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
