making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
