Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
