Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He passed out mid-signature
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
