am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize