i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize