if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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