youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
