Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
