Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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