his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The air taste purple.
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