Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
smell my finger.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize