ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
