Just took my morning after pill in the library
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize