after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
