You just made me feel so damn special
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
