Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
