people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
