My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
