remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
