Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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