he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
