True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you traded sex for a burrito?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
