Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
