I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize