I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
