3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
