i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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