Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
