I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
