You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
