Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
