my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
