He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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