need another drink. this is the easiest way
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
