I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
