I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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