Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
