Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
