My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pants are for mortals
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
