where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
