Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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