we have officially lost it.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
