That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
