The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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