Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
