What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
