Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
