so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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