Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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