I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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