somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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