3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
