I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
