hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
