The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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