Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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