i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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