Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
