why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
