Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
