wat bout pragnant strippers??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
