what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
