Don't you send me to vm
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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