His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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