My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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